“Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.”

– Paul Rodriguez

Part 4 of 12

He’d fart a gavotte for a starter,

And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:

Oof, boom, er-tum, tootle, yum tah-dah!

Old Simpson was a constant thorn in the side of the Parent-Teachers
Association, with his steadfast opposition to innovation. For one
thing, he was vociferously against the introduction of foreign
languages in the town’s junior high school curriculum.
Waving his Bible high in the air, he shouted, “If English was good
enough for the prophets and the apostles, it’s plenty good enough
for me.”

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of
a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he
starts searching for the source.

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a
grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven,
1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth
Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he
leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with
him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has
changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the
previous piece, it is being played backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When
they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing,
again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are
being played in the reverse order in which they were
composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has
gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the
Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for
the music.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about” says the caretaker. “He’s
just decomposing!”

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Ute SchaedlerYcademy Seminar – Flash

My first Flash Image after 1 day
Ycademy Flash Seminar.

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Author: Ute Schaedler, Health, Fitness, Marketing & Publishing.

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“The pom utility displays the current phase of the moon. Useful for
selecting software completion target dates and predicting managerial
behavior.”
— man 6 pom

Three things are certain

Death, taxes, and lost data.

Guess which has occurred.

If any of you guys out there have ever thought you have balls,
forget about it. This is a true story that just happened at a
wedding at Clemson.
This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the
wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the
microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to
thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support
them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the
bride’s and groom’s families for coming.
To thank everyone for coming and bring gifts and everything, he
said he wanted to give everyone a gift from him.So taped to the
bottom of everyone’s chair was a manila envelope. He said that
was his gift to everyone, and told them to open it.
Inside the manilla envelope was an 8×10 picture of his best man
having sex with the bride. (He must have gotten suspicious of the
two of them and hired a private detective to trail them.) After
he stood there and watched people’s reactions for a couple of
minutes, he turned to the best man and said Screw You, he turned
to the bride and said Screw You, and then said I’m out of here.
He got the marriage annulled the next day.
While most of us would have broken it off immediately after we
found out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway.
His revenge: making the bride’s parents pay for a 300 guest wedding
and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and
trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of
friends, family, grandparents, etc.

This is his world, we just live in it.

A guest from some foreign country was bragging that in HIS
country there is 79 different ways to make mad passionate love.

Ray listened patiently. “That’s amazing. Where I come from
there’s really only one.”

“Oh,” sniffed the Romeo, “just one? And which way is that?”

“Well, there’s a man and there’s a woman . . . “

“Praise Allah!!! Number 80!!!”

* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways.

There’s a man in the Bible portrayed
As one deeply engrossed in his trade.
He became quite elated
Over things he created,
Especially the women he made.

St. Petersburg, Florida:

A Florida woman is offering to sell one of her kidneys to pay
off a hospital debt. Ruth Sparrow ran an ad over the weekend
in The St. Petersburg Times. It read: “KIDNEY – Runs good.
Taking offers.”
Sparrow is serious. She owes $20,000 for gall bladder surgery,
and wants to pay it off.
She says both her kidneys work fine and she’s willing to part
with one to settle her debt. She offered one directly to Bayfront
Medical Center, which turned it down.
The newspaper has stopped running the ad, since selling organs is
illegal in Florida.

This was originally posted in rec.sport.pro-wrestling

Date: 1999/03/04
Author: briang68g@gearthlink.net

I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I
thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not
to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name
was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright.
They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they
punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn’t adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high
speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle
lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive, they
all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta’ dropped dead. Kinda’
like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap
monkeys. I didn’t know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all
over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It
looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn’t work. It got stuck. Then I
had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a
while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real
bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn’t want
to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately,
there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
it didn’t all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor
wasn’t improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not
allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one.
He couldn’t take that one either. I didn’t bother asking about the frozen
ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
friends didn’t know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them,
but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the
genitals.

I like monkeys.

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Exercise for Fast Abs

Yoga Sit Ups for Building Abs

One of the important factors to optimize fitness gains is to introduce variety in the exercises you use to target various muscle groups, and in that way abs and stomach muscles are no different.  Not only does variety help keep your fitness and yoga routines fresh, but it also help to challenge the muscles in different ways which is essential to their development and strength.  So I think for those who have been doing the various ab exercises and workout already on the blog, such as Core Abdominal Power Yoga Set or the Terrific Yoga Ab Exercises and Workout for Shaping Stomach, it is time to introduce you to the another excellent technique for getting a fast ab workout, the potent Yoga Situps.

As you would expect, Kundalini Yoga exercises will certainly keep you moving and try to exploit the value of dynamic pressures to help rejuvenate, heal and strengthen various regions of the body.  And Kundalini Yoga Sit Ups are no different.  Kundalini Yoga emphasizes speed in terms of bestowing results and in this case the focus is the same here as well.  To target the abs and accelerate their development as fast as possible.  This particular exercise targets, at one time, both the lower abdominal as well as the upper abdominal, so it is a great way to work the entire stomach and develop six-pack abs fast. 

The drawback to using fast and powerful techniques is that they come with dangers of injury, so you really need to be cautious when using these potent exercises.  To that end please follow all the guidelines I have laid out in the following documents prior to practicing these Kundlaini Yoga exercises and workouts.

Beginner’s Guide to Yoga Practice

Guidelines for Kundalini Yoga Practice

Yoga Sit-ups Overview:

Kundalini Yoga Sit-ups combine several postures into one fluid and ab busting motion.  It combines Forward Bend, Corpse Pose and Plough Pose into one exercise which will give you one hell of an ab workout.  If you are interested in fast ab results and quick six-pack abs, then doing these Yoga Situps are just what the doctor ordered.  Not too easy, but a lot of fun and great results.  As we are approaching the summer here in the US, I will be providing you more great yoga exercises for getting flat, toned abs, in the near future so you can enjoy the body you have been gifted.  So be on the lookout for those.

Yoga Sit Ups will be added to our free ongoing yoga exercises e-book, which you can find here: Online Kundalini Yoga Exercises e-book.  In addition, be on the lookout for yoga sets incorporating this exercise in the near future here: Free Online Kundalini Yoga Sets.  And also, be sure to check out the Free Online Yoga Classes that we already offer on the website.  

Below are all the details, along with illustrations for Yoga Sits, do them regularly and washboard abs are yours.

Yoga Sit-ups for a Fast Ab Workout

Illustrations for Yoga Situps

Yoga Situps Fast Ab Exercise:

A. How to Do Yoga Situps: 

• Start as shown above in Illustration #1 – Yoga Situps Starting Position.  Please note you do not have to reach your toes or have to have your head reach your knees.  Just reach forward as far as possible.

• From this position start to lie back and come into Corpse Pose.  In Corpse Pose you are simply lying on your back with your arms to your side and legs extended.
   
• Now swing your legs over and come into Plough Pose which is Illustration #2 above.  The only difference is your hands DO NOT have to come up to support your lower back, instead just keep them flat on the ground as they were when you came down into Corpse Pose.  Also, you do not need to tap the floor with your toes if you cannot reach that far back.  Just swing them over as much as comfortable and be careful with your neck.

• Next swing your legs back down and come back into Illustration #1 position.  As you swing your legs over and down, bring your upper body back up and reach forward with your arms towards your toes.  Continue on in a smooth motion in this way.

• Variation for advanced practitioners. 

• If you are ready for a slightly tougher challenge and ready to blast your abs even more do the following sequence.

• Lie on your back with your arms stretched out OVER your head and ON the floor behind you.

• Then swing up and come into Illustration #1 above.  Again as you come up reach forward with your arms towards your toes.

• Next as you come down let the arms come to your side as in corpse pose and swing your legs over into Plough Pose (Illustration #2) above.  Again your arms stay flat on the floor besides you and do not have to come up to support your lower back.

• Next, as you swing your legs over and down, SWING YOUR ARMS back up and over so they are stretched out on the floor behind you (the position where you started).

• Then come up and into Forward Bend again and continue from there.  Soon your abs will be burning and core will be getting stronger and fitter.

• To breathe.  Inhale when you lie back during the transitions and exhale when you come into Forward Bend and Plough Pose.

B. Duration for Yoga Situps Ab Exercise: 15 seconds – 11 minutes.

C. Benefits of Yoga Situps Ab Workout:  

• Excellent for strengthening abdominal and stomach muscles.
  
• Great for toning abs and getting six pack abs.
• Great overall workout.
  
• Excellent for flexibility.
• Good for digestive system and internal cleansing.
  
• Stimulates blood flow and helps overall health and well being.
• Excellent exercise for weight loss and burning fat.
  

D. Practice Tips and Cautions for Yoga Sit Ups Fast Ab Workout:

• Please stretch before doing this exercise.  Specially your hamstrings.
• Do not over stretch in either pose.  Only stretch as far as comfortable.
• Careful when coming into Plough Pose, especially with your neck.
• You should do Forward Bend and Plough Pose first before doing the situps.
• Even though this exercise will work your abs very fast, I suggest slow and steady as the best and safest way for developing fitness and strength.  So feel free to take breaks in between doing these situps.
• This exercise can replace any current ab exercise you have in your workout.
  

More Ab Exercises:

In addition to the ab workouts I mentioned in the beginning of the article, there are more excellent yoga exercise on the website to work out core and here are a few of them…

Best Yoga Exercise to Get Firm Toned Abs

Kundalini Yoga Stretch Pose for Core Abdominal Power

“Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow,
and when I woke up the pillow was gone.” — Tommy Cooper

There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
‘Twas “Hail to the Chief”
on this flute made of beef
that stole the front page from Kaczynski.

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

“You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get
the best of you.” (Doug, 7)

“It might help to watch soap operas all day.” (Carin, 9)