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“The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible
worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.” — Irving Caesar

A patrician young fellow named Lear
Used to wash off his bollocks with beer.
Said he, “By the gods,
This is good for the cods—
It will lengthen my fucking career.

Young Kristin, the editor of our trivia publication, was having
trouble with her computer. So she called Wes, the computer guy,
over to her desk.
Wes clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was
walking away Kristin called after him, “So, what was wrong?”
And he replied, “It was an ID ten T error.”
A puzzled expression ran riot over Kristin’s face. “An ID ten T
error?” What’s that in case I need to fix it again?”
He gave her a grin. “Haven’t you ever seen an ID ten T error before?”
“No.”
“Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.”
So she pulled out a piece of paper and marked down, I-D-one-zero-T,
and stared at it for a second while Wes beat a hasty retreat.
Needless to say he gave Kristin’s desk a wide berth the rest of the day.

Q: Why are men like laxatives?
A: They irritate the shit out of you.

Ute Schaedler
Web Design – Photoshop Workshop

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There once was a fellow named Clyde,
Who fell in an outhouse and died.
Along came his brother
Who fell in another,
And now they’re interred side by side.

When my sister teased her four-year-old daughter by
suggesting she liked a certain boy in her kindergarten
class, the little girl was quite indignant.
“No mommy, I don’t,” she replied,
“because he’s only interested in one thing.”
Shocked, my sister cautiously asked what that might be.
“Power Rangers, of course,” said the toddler.

The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously
awaiting news of their mother.
Paul emerges from his wife’s bedroom.
“Kid’s……there’s good news and bad news.”
“The bad news is your mother’s strength and will to
live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she
died a few moments ago”
“The good news is…. It’s steak and chips for dinner!”

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Mind your own business, Spock.
I’m sick of your half breed interference.

There was a young man of the Tweed
Who sucked his wife’s arse thro’ a reed.
When she had diarrhoea
He’d let none come near,
For fear they should poach on his feed.

Can you imagine working for this organization? It has less than 550
employees with the following statistics:

*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
*7 have been arrested for fraud
*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
*117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
*3 have been arrested for assault
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
*14 have been arrested on drug related charges
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are current defendants in lawsuits
*In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up?

It’s the 535 members of The United States Congress;
the same group that cranks the laws designed to
keep the rest of us in line.

Jack goes to the doctor and says “Doc I’m having trouble getting my
penis erect, can you
help me?” After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, “Well
the problem is that the
muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There’s really
nothing I can do for
you unless you’re willing to try an experimental treatment.” Jack asks
sadly, “And that
would be?” “Well,” the Doctor explains, “What we would do is take the
muscles from the
trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis.” Jack thinks
about it silently then
says, “Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex
again is too much,
let’s go for it.”
Jack went under the knife, and, after a period of recovery and
healing, returned to the Doc
for his blessing. Following the examination, the Doc pronounced Jack
“healed and ready
for action”.
Eager to use his experimentally enhanced equipment, Jack planned a
romantic evening for
his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town,
anticipating a happy
conclusion to the evening. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring
between his legs that
continued to the point of being painful. To release the pressure, Jack
placed his napkin on
his lap and unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his
pants, flipped the
napkin on the floor, went to the top of the table, grabbed a roll and
then returned to his
pants!
His girlfriend was stunned at first but then, imagining the
possibilities, said with a sly
smile and a gleam in her eye, “That was incredible! Can you do it
again?” Jack groaned,
“Probably, but I don’t think I can fit another roll in my ass.”

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“Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told”

A passionate red-headed girl,
When you kissed her, her senses would whirl,
And her twat would get wet
And would wiggle and fret,
And her cunt-lips would curl and unfurl.